DC United eked out a win in the 51st state against Toronto FC in front of 20,000 people that burn easily. Jaime Moreno tied MLS’s all-time scoring record with – fittingly – a game winning penalty kick goal. United now owns the Western Michigan area code record of 2-3-1.

New Far Post favorite and super-sub, Guy-Roland Kepene’s sweet first touch of the game helped set up a nifty Christian Gomez pass to a rushing Emilio. The Marvel Win Adventuretm was quick enough to catch Emilio in the box, but reckless enough to foul him. Jaime drove the PK in the side of the net for the winner.

United’s backline continued its Prostitute Method of Defendingtm. Lately, no one seems to be better at sucking in the final third and watching ballsthan DC United’s back four. Let’s cross those legs fellas, and be a little less easy to score on. M’Kay?! Still, they are getting better with each game.

Oh, Canada!

Canada. The final frontier. Home of Pizza Pizza, the Mounties, French-Canadians, an army of crappy pop musicians, and now . . . Toronto FC an MLS team made up of 60% hustle, 5% talent, and 35% Canadian creamy flavoring (you know per MAPL). This incidentally is the same ratio of Alecko Eskandarian’s game – except he’s filled with 35% nougat.

Their stadium, however, is 100% full. It sounded great – even if at times it seemed like the fans cheered it like a hockey game (Yeah, blocked shots! Yeah, across the center line!)

When Canada makes its second World Cup appearance it can thank MLS.


If I were DC United’s coach I would immediately do three things:

  • Sit Gomez for a game and replace him with Fred.
  • Spend an entire week working on crossing the ball and one-touch shooting.
  • Hire an assistance coach that would dress in a chicken suit while satding and waving his arm all game. TFC had one of these. What, Gertrude? Really? Hmm. Sorry. Getrude tells me that was Mo Johnson.

These moves would hopefully help United become less one-dimensional. Since United’s flank play is so inconsistent it allows teams to man-mark Gomez and clog the center. Fred would make United faster in the middle and harder to prepare for.

The guy in the chicken outfit would handle all of the in-game interviews with TV. He’d respond with “Bawk!” to every question.

TV sucks

Dear Comcast,

What in the name of Vanna White are you doing with all the unnecessary close-ups? Also, if you have the picture-in-picture feature for subs use it for your close-ups. A 15 second close-up of Josh Gros doesn’t really accentuate Dave Johnson’s rambling on about his work-rate; it just pisses me off. Speaking of Disco Dave . . . why is he yelling at me? Can’t you get some better microphones so he can speak above the crowd?


The Far Post

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