Taking the Browns to the Super Bowl
A rich person’s guide to dropping a load on a soccer team
So, you’re a rich American looking to become an international playboy. A continental, if you will. For some, the obvious solution is to buy a soccer team. But where? The Far Post offers the following guide to buying a soccer team.
Don’t buy American. American soccer teams aren’t sexy or foreign. (Duh!) They are like American cars – poorly made using a combination of cheap foreign labor and over-priced American unions. You definitely want an import.
Pure Luxury: If you’re a big spender looking for tradition and luxury, consider buying a team in Spain. La Liga teams have the best players and finest games. But, this option is only for the most discriminating customer . . . you’ll be making payments on your team forever!
Sporty and Sexy: Italians teams are very expensive and require copious maintenance. But, if you are looking for sex appeal, Serie A is your league. When you’re not paying a bribe, you’ll be over-paying some long haired, model-dating, pretty-boy a gazillion dollars to make your purchase work better. But, who cares? You’ll be winning with flair and chicks will dig you!
Anglophile: Nothing will complement your fake accent and British affectations like an EPL team. You’ll get everything you want in a soccer (“footballâ€) team: solid performances, crazy fans and an old, inefficient stadium. But, don’t be fooled by its charm. An EPL team breaks easily and replacement parts are extremely expensive. Still, nothing says “I’m rich. I’m white. Get used to it!†like owning an soccer team in England.
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.
