DC United’s home opener was a soggy and sloppy affair that saw the team give away lots of goodies to the fans and the midfield give away even more to KC. Everyone was just giving it away! United left the field to a chorus of boos and a 4-2 loss to the Wiz.

Blame it on the rain

The imposters wearing Carroll, Olsen, Gomez jerseys last night made Milli Vanilli look authentic. Who are these guys? They look the same, but they play like shit. This is the worst stretch of play from that trio I’ve ever seen. As long time readers, first time callers know, these three are our boys. But, each of them made a major mistake leading to a KC goal. Gomez was particularly frustrating and uncharacteristic.  His turnover at the end of the first half sealed KC’s victory and canceled out United valiant effort to crawl back into the game.

Look mom! A magnet and some paper!

I appreciate United working hard to find a sponsor for the home opener, but did if have to come at such a heavy cost to environment? The non-reusable plastic bag attached to the back of my chair had: some paper, a magnet, a schedule, and air.

My version? Glad you asked!

I would have included a chicken leg from Pollo Campero, a DVD from RNC with highlights from last season, an 8×10 glossy of Ben Olsen’s beard (just the beard), and a coupon from Southwest for 25% off any purchase to an MLS city (so we can watch United on the road). All of that in a bag that unfolded to become a poncho — since the heavens are smiting us and it will rain at every game.

No points – now is the time for your tears.

After two weeks, United are the only team besides expansion Toronto without a point.

“Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears,

Bury the rag deep in your face

For now’s the time for your tears.”


0 out of 5 Milli Vanilli-es.

This is not a good team.

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