The Riot Wrench

"Awg! You call this a soccer riot? Let's take 'em to school, boys!"

Riot Wrench

The Stanley Works introduced the new “Groundskeeper Willie Riot Wrench” in honor of the 2006 World Cup’s first match day. The Riot Wrench is marketed to hooligans around the world as a “functional cudgel with team pride!”

The wrench is based off of Stanley’s heavy-duty pipe wrench, but it has been modified with a bottle opener and kazoo. Customers can customize their wrench with their team’s colors and flag. For an extra $50 (USD), customers can have their hotel address engraved into the handle so the ambulance knows were to dump their limp and bloody body.

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The Bench:

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PUBLISHER
Thaddeus Byron Aloysius Dopenhopper
Mark McClure

CONTRIBUTOR(S)
Lefty, Intrepid Girl Reporter