Ray Hudson to Manage Local KFC
New manager promises: ‘We’re gonna make a finger lickin’ good squad!’
Former MLS head coach and television personality, Ray Hudson, has signed on to manage a Miami Kentucky Fried Chicken after a misunderstanding during the hiring process led him to believe he was going to coach a soccer team called KFC.
Hudson has not managed since he left DC United after the 2003 season. However, after watching the 2006 World Cup, Hudson apparently caught the coaching bug again and started looking around for a team. He found a classified listing looking for “someone to manage a KFC in Miami.” The gregarious Englishman, unfamiliar with the fast food chain, assumed the FC meant “football club.”
“I’m more embarrassed than a schoolboy who farted in the choir,” Hudson explained at a press conference held at the restaurant. “I was orgasmic when I heard I had gotten the job. I was planning my back line and getting ready to make KFC into a fist of a team!”
“Alas, it’s not a football club. But, I could use the money, so I’m staying on. We’re gonna serve chicken with heart and try and keep the drive-thru going forward. Always forward! I’ll probably need to pick up some players for the back-four fryer line I’m planning next month.”
Current employees are completely confused by Hudson’s new managerial style. Many complain they can’t understand his thick accent, some just think he’s out of his mind. “The other day he called the six-piece I served ‘utter shite and completely unprofessional’ and then said I lacked the heart to be a champion,” Jeff Hoover told reporters. “Whatever man, I’m just saving up for some new rims for my ride.”
Hudson has 10 more months on his contract before the franchise can trade him to a Taco Bell or release him from the organization.
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