Always Wear Your World Cup
Letter from the Editor
Today my deluxe, RCA Victor Television Receiver broadcast the most amazing news! It seems Emperor Wilhelm II and the rest of those lousy bastards in Prussia are holding a world sporting event. Something called a “World Cup” of foot-ball. I’ve pledged all the resources of my vast media empire to cover this event and ensure it will not endanger our precious American ways.
Also, anytime I hear the words foot and ball, I think about the First Law of Thaddeus: Always wear your cup! Nothing in life is as important as guarding against a swift kick in the nuts. Thus, I must ensure Wilhelm hasn’t stumbled across some advanced nut-protecting technology!
Rest assured dear readers, The Far Post will cover every inch of the suspicious happenings in Prussia.
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